For My Dad on Father's Day

Yesterday (June 20) I was taking BART up to San Francisco to hear The Brazen Hussies reading at SF in SF.

I was listening to some family tapes that I had digitized on my iphone and that I should get on CD and send to my dad and sisters.

I'm a toddler on the tapes and both parents are singing and reading with me - in the past I tended to fixate more on my mom's voice because I don't have her here in the world any more (she sings "Sweetheart, Sweetheart" and tells me she wouldn't trade me for a million dollars, and we sing "Plop, Plop, Fizz Fizz" and other stuff).

But I also can hear how much my dad loves me as well. He's actually on the tapes more than my mom - it seems like my mom is off in another room for parts of the time, since I can hear her distantly talking, but it's my dad who is directly interacting with me for a lot of it.

And I hear his love for language and his hope that I will also enjoy it as much -- in all the poems he has me repeat (such as "There was a crooked man, who walked a crooked mile...").
And stories he read to me on the tapes.

It's such a warm and familiar voice and I realize that this is probably the most familiar voice that I can currently still hear live. It's a voice I've heard literally all my life, and he still sounds so much the same, even now.

And it's a voice I don't hear often enough because I don't call him regularly, or hook up the webcam I got from work so we can video skype. (although I did do that today for Father's Day and it was quite fun).

After dinner when I get to the reading, I'm pretty relaxed before Lisa Goldstein kicks it off with the first story, which is in the first person and from a male perspective, which she says is new to her.

I've never heard this story before of course, and I've only just met Lisa an hour prior, but when she starts reading, I feel like I am suddenly at home.

Something kind of primal takes over - "listening to a story = safe at home with people who love me".
And the story itself is really really good - which accounts for quite a bit of this feeling...but the other part I realize is that I am so familiar with this and it's such a positive experience for me. And that started with my dad and my mom reading to me at an early age.

I settled down into the Variety Preview Room seat as if it was a comfy armchair in a living room with people who love me...and I just relax and stop caring about anything I might have been worried about before....
I'm aware of this more acutely because I was listening to the "toddler story tapes" so recently on the train, and feeling the same feeling wash over me then.

During Pat's story, which is next, I am thinking about my dad even more because of the character's dad in the story.

I am also thinking about my mom after hearing her voice so recently, and wondering what it would be like if she were there with me. I think she would have also liked these women and these stories. Lots of good female energy in the room (Pat, Michaela, Lisa, Carrie, Rina, Ellen, etc) - but it's not the same as having my mom around or even being able to picture her properly.

There's an empty seat on the right next to me and I am trying to picture my mom sitting there. I can't really picture her physically very well anymore. I'm kind of using the memory of hanging out with Ginny, but then imagining her with Mom's face and hair (which is kind of wacky).

During the more emotional parts of Pat's story with her character's dad, I actually put my hand on the seat next to me as if I was holding on to my mom or my dad, whoever is there.

So many people, both the characters in the stories and in the discussions over dinner, are taking care of their aging parents now - or have recently lost them.

My dad might be hard to deal with sometimes now, but I want him to know that he is appreciated and loved, and that I'm so happy he's still around!

Brazen Hussies 6/20

Lisa
Magic of everyday life
Rick
Literature of the imagination

Lisa is very close to magic realism

Micky (Roessner) - we can write what we want in speculative fiction

Pat - fascinated with gateways that take u to fantasy world
Science - you are figuring out diff portals
Pat advice earlier during the break about advising writers how to find an ending - it's usually already there in the story.

Example - when she read this story last year, she did not know last
year that rocky would be so important

Lisa - it is really fun writing - although perspective about stuff no
one has seen before

Rick asks Pat - You are describing stuff the reader has never seen
She does not know if it is a fantasy element or not
If 3rd person the author is telling you what happened.
But in 1st the char is telling you what is happening

Pat: This story would be different if read in the New Yorker.
The viewer/reader completes the Story

I write the words but you complete it says Pat.

Michaela - 2 nd person has Creepy quality to it

Michaela's next novel is 1st person
Extrapolating but no wonder.
Pat talks about "The Woman in the Trees" (from Points of Departure ) which was in 2nd
person.
Workshop said it should not be in 2nd person, but she left it there because she did
not want reader to be able to escape

Pat brings up conversation I started or at least contributed to, at the break about fairy tales.

(Brought up the Book of Lost Things by John Connolly).

Pat points out her fascination with Peter pan and her story on her
site called peter

I find it really interesting to look at fairy tales, says Lisa, who wrote a
story called Ever After.

Lisa brings up her fairy tale research

Rick - science fiction takes us back to the ability to look at the
world for the first time.

Transformative view of the world...

Ellen question
Where does fantasy go ?
They say speculative fiction can be everything
Ellen says what about the bar fight? (regarding what is fantasy, what is "hard science fiction", and what is speculative fiction).

The Hussies basically agree that they don't want to get into the bar fight.

Pat says -I choose not to fight - it's all marketing.

It is in the eye of the heholder...someone might see Pat's story as speculative, another might see it as completely realistic.

But that is what is great about YA - you see all the genres mixed together on the same shelf

Rick - we are all just looking for a decent book to read.

Michaela and Pat (and Ellen! and also Lisa!):
We love research!

Lisa is also a research junkie.
Question about the Bart train now going to Millbrae....
Being in the shape of an aleph for Dark Cities Underground.
But she is sad now it goes to Millbrae and therefore no longer in that shape.

Ellen question: Do you feel like writing sometimes feels like homework
Because research is so much fun?

Pat example of research getting carried away - In Clan of the Cave Bear, character stopped in the
middle of a chase scene to talk about basket weaving.