Remembering Adrienne Rich

It's been almost two years since I last wrote in this blog and I am surprised to see that I have never written here about Adrienne Rich, apparently.

Ms. Rich passed away last week on March 27, 2012, at the age of 82 and tonight, when I perhaps should be working, I am feeling a lot of delayed mourning for her. (and also some anxiety since I can't find my tape of all of the "Dark Fields of the Republic" poems, read by her, and it doesn't seem to be on iTunes or available on CD yet, although many of the poems are on the Voice of the Poet collection that I do have).

Here is the NYT article about her. And here's a 1994 interview with her in the Progressive.

First experience and reading: Stanford Medical School, "Dark Fields of the Republic" era:

I was first introduced to Adrienne Rich's poems while taking a class which focused mostly on poems written by women, taught by Monika Greenleaf, at Stanford.

One day someone burst into the class (at least that is my memory) and announced that Adrienne Rich was reading on campus - at the Medical Center! -- right now!

(Interestingly it appears she also did a similar reading at Medical Center in April 2001 but I clearly remember her doing this in 1995 as well.)

So most of us ran over to hear her, that day, and I was transfixed as I had never read her work really before, and heard it for the first time read by her in person.

Hard to describe the reaction, I was just in awe. A small, wise woman, reading her work, which at this reading was the pieces which focused on her time in hospitals (some of it). Her troubles with rheumatoid arthritis which contributed to her death eventually just now.

I think the poem I remember most vividly was "Calle Visión": (which I am tempted to type out here) - but some individual lines:

-I love the whole opening part with"

"Not what you thought: just a turn-off

leading downhill not up"

...and then the whole rhythm of "under the blanket there are sheets...under the sheets there's a mattress...under the mattress there's a frame"

"The whole bed smells of soap and rust

the window smells of old tobacco dust and rain"

(internal rhythm of rust and dust...)

and she talked about how this is about being a patient in a hospital, at least I think she said that, about this part (and others, I'm avoiding quoting the entire poem here). Later on she also talks about x-rays, being asked "have you ever worked around metal..." etc.

I remember feeling the unique sense of place - here is a woman who has written poems that came, at least partially, inspired from her time in hospitals, and she goes directly to the hospital/medical school to read them.

"Calle Vision sand in your teeth

granules of cartilage in your wrists

Calle Vision firestorm behind

shuttered eyelids fire in your foot

Calle Vision rocking the gates

of your locked bones"

...

"Lodged in the difficult hotel

all help withheld

a place not to live but to die in

not an inn but a hospital"

Oh, I can't explain how it hit me so hard, I can just remember sitting there listening with my mouth open and being so amazed that I was in a place (stanford) where I could just stumble upon Adrienne Rich "randomly" reading her work!

Also, it's the impact of hearing the poem first instead of reading it. It hit me in different ways than if I was first reading the poems and just swooping through them quickly like I usually do when reading, especially when reading poetry.

This is one of the Great American Poets and she lives right near here (in Santa Cruz!) and maybe I can hear her more often! (which I subsequently tried to do). Ever since, I always think of her when driving over the hill to Santa Cruz...

I fell in love with that entire book that had just come out that year - 1995 - "Dark Fields of the Republic". I got the book and tape set and listened to the tape almost constantly at different times during the years. It was a favorite walking soundtrack (and basic soundtrack for life) for a long time, especially this poem, called "Inscriptions":

where I used lines from part 3 (Origins) for my Toastmasters Icebreaker speech:

"Turning points. We all like to hear about those. Points

on a graph.

Sudden conversions. Historical swings. Some kind of

dramatic structure.

But a life doesn't unfold that way it moves

in loops by switchbacks loosely strung

around the swelling of one hillside toward another

one island toward another"

I also loved to listen to Part Two of Inscriptions - "Movements" while walking, especially when this poem came up on the tape when I was literally walking across a street:

"Old backswitching road bent toward the ocean's light

Talking of angles of motion movements a black or a red tulip

opening

Times of walking across a street thinking

not I have joined a movement but I am stepping in this deep current (loved it when this line came up when I was actually stepping out into the street from the curb)

Part of my life washing behind me terror I couldn't swim with

part of my life waiting for me a part I had no words for

I need to live each day through have them and know them all

though I can see from here where I'll be standing at the end"

and the part right after this, which I loved because of the reference to teachers and to a person finding their direction somehow. It was so hopeful to me.

When does a life bend toward freedom? grasp its direction?

How do you know you're not circling in pale dreams, nostalgia

stagnation

but entering that deep current malachite colorado (I love the way she said "colorado")

requiring all your strength, wherever found

your patience and your labor (also love the way she says "labor". Maybe I just love the accent there).

desire pitted against desire's inversion

all your mind's fortitude?

Maybe through a teacher: someone with facts with numbers

with poetry

who wrote on the board: IN EVERY GENERATION ACTION FREES

OUR DREAMS

(and I believe in these teachers who can inspire as they have made a difference to me)

Maybe a student: one mind unfolding like a redblack peony

quenched into percentile, dropout, stubbed-out bud (also love her enunciation in the reading of "stubbed-out bud" but so sad to think of the quenching - you can hear her sadness in the line and also anger)

--- Your journals Patricia: Douglas your poems but the repetitive blows

on spines whose hope you were, on yours

to see that quenching and decide.

I also love the poem "Sending Love":

I love all the different ways of sending love and all the varied names in the poem.

Basically, my copy of "Dark Fields of the Republic" is well loved. And also signed!

2ND EXPERIENCE AND READING:

I got to see her read again, I think while I was still at Stanford, when she read at Kresge (may have been part of the Lane Lecture series?).

Wait, this may have been as recent as 2001 - since she definitely appeared in the Lane Lecture series in 2001.

At some point, maybe at this reading, I had her sign my copy of "Dark Fields of the Republic".

I remember afterwards, hanging around outside the reading and watching her walk out with friends and walk up to a car or whatever was waiting to pick her up at Kresge. I remember how small and yet wise and powerful she seemed. Too shy to talk to her of course (and not wanting to bug her).

I wished at the time that I would get to hear her again (unsure of her health state).

In 2001, Dave gave me a copy of her book Fox: Poems 1998-2000, for our first Christmas together.

3rd Reading
At some point after 2004, I bought her book "The School Among the Ruins: Poems 2000-2004" and must have gone to a reading and had her sign it. I think this was a Jewish Community Center reading in San Francisco that I went to, it may have been this 2006 Hannukah reading that was recently re-requoted here.

I'm not yet as emotionally connected to this book either, but I remember the reading itself being equally powerful. Again I was worried about her health, in 2006 she was 76.

Regarding "School Among the Ruins" - it has also a few interesting Bay Area references, such as this in "For June, in the Year 2001":

"Driving back from Berkeley
880's brute dystopia"

Perfect phrase to describe 880, a bleak road.




I believe at that time or later I bought
"Telephone Ringing in the Labyrinth: Poems 2004-2006" which again I am less emotionally attached to than to "Dark Fields" - maybe since Dark Fields has so much history of listening to it built up.

Also I have "The Voice of the Poet" book and CD set which I am very thankful for since it has a full collection of her most famous poems, read by her.

I also found a Garrison Keillor free video poetry podcast on iTunes which has her reading from "What Kind of Times Are These" which I also love (of course, from "Dark Fields of the Republic"!)

There is as well this treasure trove of Rich readings and writings, put together by U Penn apparently and is free for educational use.


Last week Dave emailed me that Adrienne Rich had died and I didn't really process it at the time because we were in the midst of a busy work week. I realized that I hadn't said or written anything about it just today (Monday April 2).

I am sad. And I realize when reading essays and memorials of Adrienne Rich, that my responses to her poems are quite personal to me -- I'm not necessarily responding to the same things that everyone else does, and that is ok.

I am thankful to have heard her read from her work in person at least 3 times, and that the world also has all these recordings of her own voice reading her work, which is invaluable.

rhubarb pie at WisCon (yay we did not eat Nisi's pie!)

Very happy to be at right place, right time (both always seem to be the case when getting the chance to hang out with Pat at WisCon) -- for an impromptu rhubarb pie offered by Geoff Ryman.

One thing I noticed this morning - that group was not talking about their work or really much about writing specifically at all, just hanging out.
I was thinking of stuff I could have said this morning - I was looking at my earlier post about the 2008 anthology and remembering how much I liked KJF's story "The Last Worders".

But in that group, same feeling as when standing near Pat when talking to Cory Doctorow - it's not a place for the superficial fandom of "oh, i love such and such! You are the best since sliced bread!"
-- it's just "Hey, here we are sitting on a couch in a hotel hallway."

Not sure if Karen really has ever met me. It was nice to see her, since last year I had not read anything of hers, and now I've at least read "The Jane Austen Book Club" and the short story mentioned above.

I don't remember actually talking to her last year, and Pat probably assumes that we have met (since when she does introduce me to people, like Liz Henry, sometimes I know them).

Karen read out loud an excerpt from Laurell K Hamilton (that she found online using Pat's laptop) and there was much amused disdain (of Hamilton). Interesting and sad that the romance genre is so popular, and some of it is good, but more of it isn't so much.

Watchmen!

Just finished Watchmen today.
I should have probably read it before going to see the preview and cast panel at WonderCon yesterday - preview would have been way more fun!
Here is an annotated Watchmen site...

I will be really flabbergasted if they manage to convey all of this in the graphic novel onto the screen. Terry Gilliam (and Alan Moore, the writer) had said that it seemed almost impossible to fully do this in a theatrical movie release. Terry Gilliam apparently had been pushing for a miniseries.

The opening of the graphic novel was mystifying me for a long time, until I got to where Dr. Manhattan tells us more about his origin. That and Rorshach's past filled in a lot of the question marks in my head.

Anyway, great book - can't believe I hadn't read it this whole time. Dave had bought it back when working at Barnes and Noble because there's a big "20% off" sticker on it.

Writing Rules that Carol Emshwiller likes to break

At the link above.
On Saturday night I went to go hear Pat Murphy and Carol Emshwiller read as part of the SF in SF series. I really enjoyed it, it's such a treat to have Carol visiting here (as she divides her time between Bishop, CA and New York City) and plus, Pat read a story that was fresh from her head (just written this week).

I'll update with the podcast links from the readings.
The post linked above has some good advice from Ms. Emshwiller, as originally published at Fantastic Metropolis.

BNL in San Mateo!!!

"I've got orange pants
I wear them when I dance.."

"When I make mistakes
I use a lot of salt
Cause salt makes m'steaks taste great"

- which isn't that hard to emulate as I try to do so at home right now...

--- "Raisins" - from Snacktime by Barenaked Ladies
Performed live at 3:30 pm at Barnes and Noble, San Mateo, 6/12!
I was in 5th "row" of the sitting on the floor crowd.

There was actually a little girl, maybe 5 or 6, who was wearing her orange pants (and
a stylish black button down shirt with flames on it).
She was dancing her heart out and got a special bit of attention and pointing from Ed. Apparently specifically dressed for the occasion by her mom, who gave her a big hug afterward.

It was just an awesome experience. They were playing in front of a huge window on the 2nd floor of the Barnes and Noble across from Hillsdale Mall, here in San Mateo.
It was almost impossible to get a good picture with the backlighting. Hopefully someone did get a shot and they post them online soon. :-)

So different listening to them in such a small space during the day. They can see you!

The kids seemed to enjoy it. There was a contingent of fan club women my age who had BNL shirts and were sitting in the front row, too.

Luckily we all didn't have to sit outside in the heat (although the line wasn't as long as I thought). They brought us into the store at about 2 pm.
I was surprised when the band suddenly took the stage (or little platform) since I was thinking they'd be introduced by someone from the bookstore.

"Please welcome, US!" Ed says.

So fun to see them so close up (and for free!). It was fun to watch Kevin's keyboard playing and Jim's bass playing, especially - you don't get so much detail when at Shoreline and they are far away!
Also the interplay between them and their interactions with the audience.

They had some thematic banter based on areas of the bookstore - but didn't comment about all the current events books which were the closest to them...
Notes on the banter (for some reason I had no network access on my phone, so I couldn't twitter or message):

This band is well known for their witty banter - onstage, and on the songs.

They started off with some shoplifting advice for all - something like "Hey, everyone here is pretty distracted right now, so if you tried to walk out with something, they probably wouldn't stop you..."

They also pointed out that Nikki Sixx had been at this same Barnes and Noble the day before...
Ed: Think of the double header on that one -- stay over night after Nikki Sixx to be here for our show..
research - he did come Oct 28, 2007 to this B&N. For the book "The Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star" (and in other googling I find that Nikki is a San Jose native. Who knew?)

So it appears to have been an untruth that Nikki was there the day before...we'll see.
I remember their banter about the Kentucky Fried Chicken on El Camino near California Ave in Palo Alto. We saw them at a club there that was called The Edge, I think.
They were fascinated by the statue of Colonel Sanders that is on display there, but I can't remember exactly what they said.
This was sometime in the mid to late 90s. I can't remember if I was still at Stanford or just graduated.

Anyway. back to the present.

They played "Another Postcard" - which I forgot has such strong monkey references. Maybe we should always play BNL in our new monkey-themed bathroom (courtesy of Linda, Grady, and Michelle Woods' wedding presents).
"Another postcard, for chimpanzees"
And every one is addressed to me..."

Ed sang "Raisins" - and showcased the girl in orange pants above.

They also played "One Week" - really a nice number of their big singles along with the new songs. Hard to tell how many of the kids had heard these songs.

Steve sang "Ninjas"

A little blond girl named Amy (apparently her name was Amy Brubeck, according to the San Mateo Daily News) jumped up at one point with her hand up.

"Do you have a question?"

She requested them to play "Allergies"!

"The first child who actually ASKS for Allergies" - someone says (Steve or Tyler?)

"You can request, but it doesn't mean anything will happen" - Ed

"Tyler, do you know the words?"

"Maybe someone can hold up the words for you...maybe the girl who requested it..."

So Amy winds up standing near the drum kit holding the Snacktime book. I never saw her turn the page -- but obviously Tyler knew the words...
Amy was pretty blown away by the drums but she stuck it out!

Jim Creegan's song was "pollywog in a bog", which has a great refrain sung by Ed. Seemed like a great opportunity for the kids to jump up and jump, but those of us on the carpet stayed seated so everyone could see I think.

Kevin's song was "Eraser" ("If I make an error I can always make it better with my eraser..")
- which began with a mini-contest of "how long can we hold the "Eeee" syllable at the beginning of the word. Kevin won it seems.
He was wearing a pair of shiny aviator glasses and had a 50% off sticker from Barnes and Noble on his shirt.

I think at this point they played "7,8,9" which was quite brilliant. They warned kids that it was a scary song, and they might want to plug their ears if they are prone to nightmares.
Also that you can tell it's going to be scary, because it's in a minor key!
(They play example of the same opening chords in a major key) - this one would be happy!

They sang the lyrics of "Rhythm of the Night" by El Debarge, at the beginning of "If I had a million dollars" -- and dedicated it to El before starting. Hard to tell if people caught this also, but pretty cool.

amazing to hear it and sing along in such a small group. Steve yelling "sing along! LOUDER!"
"IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS!"
...I'd build a tree fort in your yard...
No kraft dinner was thrown...it seems like that would have been fun for the kids, but maybe the security staff had confiscated it.

And, they had a whole riff comparing Barnes and Noble to the Odd Couple, which prompted Tyler to play the theme and they all hummed and chimed in...
"That's for those kids who were born in 1961!"

"Or the kids who watch Nick at Nite," Ed says.

The waiting in the autograph line was pretty hot and sweaty, but the kids held themselves in line pretty well.
When I got up to the line I was feeling self-conscious because I had my old towel with me, that I grabbed from the car to sit in the line outside.
Also my plastic sack with my ice latte cup in it...

Ed was first - he said he would personalize the CD, so I spelled my name...and he says, "Cool name!"
So I got a "Cool name" from Ed Robertson, who joins the bevy of (mostly literary) famous people who have been exposed to the name.
I thanked him for coming.
Kevin was next - I thanked him by name, but he seemed pretty tired (and still had his sunglasses on)

And then Steven - also tired. I told him I'm the kid here, and I was kind of playing hooky from work. (side note, yay to him for the weight he's lost since the band started. He looks quite trim - much better than the Gordon cover, for example).

Next was Jim Creegan, and he asked what I was going to do with the rest of my day playing hooky - go fishing or something.
Didn't want to sound nerdy and say - well, actually more working.

And then Tyler, who was not very animated (tired...) but did sign and I thanked them again.

It's hard to express being a long time fan (not uber long, but before the success with "one week") - in a line like that. It's like all my author signings --"Oh I love your work, here's how to spell my name"...

Dave had said - you have to go even if you miss work for it.
This is what you have wanted as a kid - to have your favorite band come to your town and play in some store somewhere.
As a kid, the band in question was Huey Lewis and the News.

I have to also say - their song Crazy ABCs is just brilliant.
so many cool definitions: - and in the song they are doing commentary that is not on the lyric sheet, but they didn't sing it at the show:
(although Ed reads portions in this interview on ABC):

Hey Steve, Hey Ed
That sounds nice, what is it?
A new alphabet song I'm working on...
(steve says something about he just learned the old one...)

A is for Aisle
B is for Bdellium (gum like tree resin, starts with a silent B)
C is for Czar, and if you see him would you mind telling him?

Steve - ok hang on
aisle?
Ed: aisle, like a theater

D is for Djinn
E for Euphrates
F is for Föhn, but not like when I call the Ladies
(umlaut added by me after finding it on wikipedia)

Steve: I thought phone started with a p..
No, it's föhn, it's a kind of wind...
G for Gnarly
I for Irk
H for Hour
J for Jalapeno, good in either corn or flour... tortillas
(Steve: nice rhyme)
K is for Knickknack
L is for llama
(rama lama ding dong, what's so strange about llama?)
(it starts with two ls..)
M for Mnemonic
N is for Ngomo

(From me - this makes me feel ignorant - which Ngomo do they mean?
The Star Fleet admiral?
Or maybe the city in Gabon? I am taking too much time with this...or maybe Alicia Ngomo in London)

O is for Ouija Board
P is for Pneumonia, Pterodactyl, and Psychosis
Q is for Qat
ok - Q - cat? what?

Ed: it's qat, it's an evergreen shrub, it's a perfect scrabble word because it's a q with no u, there aren't many of those
Steve: you have too much time on your hands.

R is for Argyle

Steve: (singing along) --no it isn't
Ed: ok, you're right, I couldn't find a good R word.

S is for Saar, a lovely German river
T for Tsunami, a wave that makes me quiver
U is for Urn and not like earning money
V for Vraisemblance from french and therefore kind of funny
W for Wren, Wrinkly and Who
X is for Xi'an, an ancient Chinese city, true

Steve: ancient chinese city, huh? my guitar player, some hotshot...

Y is for Yperite a very nasty gas
Z is the final letter, and by final I mean last
Steve: ok when you say zed, for the benefit of our American friends, you really mean Z, right?
no I mean zed, like zed zed top
(riff of zz top) - and note - if you click the link above you hear the riff, so fyi - if you're listening to something else, it will be overshadowed...)

the guys who all have beards, except the guy whose _name_ is beard...
yeah I always thought that was interesting...

And in the ABC interview I linked to above, Ed mentions their "Bathroom Sessions" on Youtube. He'd noticed all these fans putting videos of themselves playing BNL songs (many at home and some in bathrooms).

So he thought he'd do this also, and just started doing little videos of himself playing the songs filmed by a little webcam on his laptop.

Here is Ed and Steve doing "one week":